Grief and Yoga
It has been a long time since I have posted anything on my blog and I am sorry about this. I haven't been in the best place to do this but I feel ready to start writing again now.
This past year has been the hardest of my life, I lost my eldest son who was struggling with his mental health and took his own life. I went from being a mum thinking her son was out having fun with his girlfriend, to being worried and in panic mode as he hadn't returned thinking he had broke up with his girlfriend and was sat on a bench being upset somewhere, to thinking someone had caused him harm or been in an accident as we searched and searched for him for several hours, to my worst nightmare coming true that he had taken his own life.
Nothing can prepare you for that sort of trauma and the physical pain you feel when being informed by police officers that a loved one has died. This happened in the world of Covid so was not given the opportunity to say goodbye at the hospital.
That day after I felt like I was in a different world - a living nightmare!
I walked and walked in those first few weeks, goodness knows how many miles I walked.
I would look at people walking past me has they went about their daily lives laughing and joking and in my head I'm screaming, "how can you be happy don't you know I've lost my son!" - of course they wouldn't they were strangers but my life had crashed to the ground around me but the world continues even if your part has crumbled - it was surreal - it didn't feel real.
I will leave it there for now about the reasons for my grief but will talk about something that has helped me over the past few weeks - Yoga for Grief.
Yoga has given me that time to sit with my grief and process but in parallel to making a space so I can connect with the present. I used to practice yoga on a daily basis but stopped for quite a while after losing my son. My back and shoulders ached like nothing I have suffered from before. Grief can cause back pain, joint pain, headaches, and stiffness. You feel this pain due to the sheer volume of stress related hormones that you release while you go through the grieving process. Apparently stress hormones can cause the body to have a similar experience as broken heart syndrome.
I found yoga has helped me to clear my mind, to find my centre which I had lost and to rebuild my strength. Yogic meditation has helped me enhance my spiritual connection with the universe. I'm still trying to become at peace to things and this will take time but feel like I am now on that road. I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions and still am but this has helped me direct my energy in a more positive way and cope with grief in a way that keeps me healthy and focused on the good times I had with my son.
I love you, always and forever, a day doesn't go by without you in my mind!
Love and Light